


i will hold you close and heal your shattered heart

by flightinflame



Series: there's nothing i wouldn't do to make you feel my love [2]
Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Cuddling & Snuggling, First Time, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Intimacy, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Protectiveness, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:02:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23493658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightinflame/pseuds/flightinflame
Summary: Getting close to Alex had been a challenge. Summers was worth it, Summers wassoworth it. But he wanted to take stuff slow, and Darwin was fine with that. They’d got a second chance.He knew he’d seen a lot, been with a few different people in his life - a couple of longer relationships, and some one night stands, and all the while Alex had been in solitary. So if Alex needed to go slow, if this was all new to him, they could do that.
Relationships: Armando Muñoz/Alex Summers
Series: there's nothing i wouldn't do to make you feel my love [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1689052
Comments: 10
Kudos: 32





	1. Understanding

**Author's Note:**

> Darwin's POV of Lavenderlotion's wonderful "I'd gladly break my own heart if it meant being loved by you"

Darwin smiled, catching sight of Alex leaning against the balustrade, gazing off across the grounds. They lived in a fucking castle, and he couldn’t believe how lucky he was - not just for being here, not even just for coming back, but for Alex. Alex who was a mess, and a fighter, and the hottest man he’d ever met (literally, as well as being damn gorgeous).

“Hey hotshot!” he called out as he approached, because he knew not to sneak up on Alex. Alex looked over his shoulder, but didn’t rush off, which was good. Getting close to Alex had been a challenge. Summers was worth it, Summers was _so_ worth it. But he wanted to take stuff slow, and Darwin was fine with that. They’d got a second chance.

He knew he’d seen a lot, been with a few different people in his life - a couple of longer relationships, and some one night stands, and all the while Alex had been in solitary. So if Alex needed to go slow, if this was all new to him, they could do that. Alex liked it when he touched him though, so he did that, his hand against Alex’s back, rubbing circles on the skin there.  
“Anything good?”

“Hank and Erik went off on a run.” Alex muttered, gesturing in the direction they’d gone in. 

“Just you and me huh, Alex?” Darwin asked, bumping his shoulder against Alex’s. Alex stepped closer, pressing his body against Darwin’s own, and Darwin grinned at him. After their first kiss, Alex had ignored him for a week, walked out whenever he’d come into the room, as he processed it. And now? Now Alex seemed to want to kiss all the time they got. Darwin liked giving him that, liked making his boy feel special. 

Alex tasted of the soup Darwin had made for lunch, and he couldn’t help feeling slightly smug at the thought of providing for him, pulling him closer, kissing him deeper, his arms around Alex’s waist. He pulled back slightly, gazing into those beautiful eyes.

“Want you to come to my room tonight, baby,” he murmured, reaching out to run his fingers through Alex’s hair, and kissing him again. He wanted to kiss him with no fear of being interrupted, maybe see Alex shirtless outside of training, run his hands over those muscles his boy worked so hard for. More than that though, he just wanted to curl up around him, hold his boy close, take care of him. Alex hadn’t had enough care in his life, and Darwin was determined to change that. 

He looked at Alex curiously, ready to back down if Alex wanted. The pause went on a moment too long, and he flashed Alex a smile, about to say that it was okay, that he didn’t mind, and then Alex was stepping closer, deepening the kiss, breathless against him.  
“Yeah. Okay.” Alex muttered between kisses, and Darwin pulled him closer, stroking his hair, humming against those soft lips. 

“Going to take such good care of you, baby…” Darwin promised, peppering Alex’s face with kisses, liking the way the other man looked almost embarrassed before he kissed him deeply again. 

From across the mansion there was a scream, and then the sound of glass breaking, and then more shouting.  
“Uh, I’d better-” he gestured towards the sound, before jogging off to find Sean, barefoot and surrounded by broken glass. “The fuck happened man?”

“There was a spider.” Sean muttered.

Darwin laughed, and walked over the broken glass, lifting Sean up and carrying him out of the way. He couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. He headed up to his room, to change the sheets and check he had something clean to wear while he slept.

***

Darwin was beginning to regret the fact he hadn't actually given Alex a time to come around, as he sat up in bed, trying not to be anxious. He was honestly pretty sure Alex wasn't going to come - and he was fine with that, he just didn't want his boy worrying about it. Alex needed slow - Darwin was happy to give him slow. Happy to take it as slow as Alex wanted, he just didn't want him beating himself up about it.

He tried not to look at the clock, even when he heard footsteps stopping outside his door. He took a moment, trying to decide if he should go and open it, but decided against it. If Alex wanted to come in, he'd knock. The last thing he wanted was to catch Alex in the process of leaving, and make it awkward for both of them.

He sighed, sitting on the bed, making himself wait rather than going to the door, because Alex deserved to choose this. 

Then there was a knock, and he breathed out in relief, getting to his feet, opening the door and smiling. The first thought that popped unbidden into Darwin's mind was that he liked how Alex looked in his clothes, his old sweater keeping him warm. It was strange, just how much he wanted to protect Alex, to gather him close and keep him warm and make him feel good.  
"Hiya, baby," he murmured, reaching out towards Alex, feeling the other man staring at him. He realised he didn't have a shirt on, but Alex didn't seem to mind the view, and he hoped they might both end up in bed together shirtless. He reached for Alex's wrist, squeezing softly, guiding him forwards, and Alex was stepping towards him, and then their lips met.

The first kiss was almost too brutal, Alex practically vibrating with energy, his body warm through his clothes, and Darwin's skin cooled on instinct as Alex's fingers pressed into his jaw, and for a second Darwin was reminded of his death, of Alex's energy being forced into him - but this was Alex, and this was real, and his lips were hot against Darwin's own.

"Hey," Alex murmured, before doing something sinful with his mouth that was almost hypnotising. God, Alex coulda been a porn star with that mouth. Coulda persuaded anyone to do anything. Darwin tried to work out how to say that, and before he could Alex was pulling him closer, his body pressing against Darwin's own, and Darwin reached out, hands on Alex's hips to steady him, kissing him gentler, slowing it down a little, because hell he wasn't gonna rush this. Not when he had his boy here, in his arms, pressing against him. Alex was still practically shaking with need, and Darwin wanted to kiss him all over, wanted to learn all the pleasured noises that Alex could make, wanted to see him fall apart. He smiled into the kiss, following Alex as he stepped back before finally pulling away enough to look at Alex, grinning at him. 

God, Alex looked stunning. If Darwin could have painted, he'd have painted this. Alex shirtless in his room and god it was just the hottest thing he'd ever seen. His sweater hit the floor, and he wolf whistled appreciatively, hoping to make Alex grin.

He did grin, and more than that he blushed, the colour making that gorgeous face look even better.  
"Oh sweetheart, you are gorgeous," he told him, watching as Alex shrugged a little. He just wanted to see him, to hold him close.

"Thanks, 'Mando," Alex muttered, his head down, shy as always when he got a compliment, and Darwin wanted to kiss him, wanted to hold him close and whisper in his ear until all Alex could think of was what he'd said, but he held off, because that could wait, and right now it would be too much for him. 

Alex's hands pressed against his skin, and he was so warm, his fingers brushing against Darwin's skin, and Darwin smiled to himself, imagining Alex looking at the difference between them. Alex tilted his head up, and he kissed him again, just as deeply, pressing back against Alex, his hands running across Alex's back, feeling the muscle there, the faint bumps of his spine, how breathless Alex sounded.

He could feel Alex hard against his hip,but he didn't mention it, didn't want to draw attention or make Alex feel self conscious. They could kiss like this, however long Alex wanted. He hoped he could get him into bed, curl up round him, keep kissing him. He reached out, brushing a cold finger against Alex's neck, earning another gasp. Then Alex pulled away slightly, and he thought he'd gone too far, but then Alex was stepping out of his jeans. He was hard, and beautiful, and Darwin pictured holding him close as he jerked him off, learning Alex's body the way he knew his own. He looked at him, licking his lips slightly.  
"Woah, baby, look at you..." The little bit of black that Alex still wore clung to him, and Darwin wanted to touch, but he didn't wanna push too far.

"Like 'em?" Alex asked, and Darwin nodded, reaching to rest his hands over Alex's hips, pull him close, his thumb rubbing against the band of Alex's underwear. He knew he was still in his jeans, but he couldn't think clear enough to take them off, not while Alex was pressed against him like this, so fucking gorgeous and perfect and _his_.

"Fuck yeah, baby," he leaned in for a kiss, and Alex met it, moaning against his mouth, and Darwin moaned back, letting Alex take control, walk him back against the bed. He grinned up at Alex as the other man shoved him down onto it, and sure this wasn't how he'd planned for the evening to go, but Alex was straddling him and grinding down and kissing him hot, and he couldn't think of anything but the burning brush of Alex's skin against his own. God, Alex was a good kisser. Should get a fucking gold in the kissing Olympics, only that'd probably mean he'd have to kiss someone else and Darwin wasn't really ready to share. He tried to hold still, to let Alex press against him and resist the urge to push up, and if Alex quit now they were both going to have a serious case of blue balls but that was fine, because that was how this worked. Alex... he wasn't going to tell Alex what he could and couldn't do. Alex had had enough of that shit before he came here, and if this was all it was, Darwin could have been happy with it. He already had enough material for the next few years of looking after himself, if Alex never wanted to do that. He paused, taking a deep breath and he could see the curve of Alex's cock as he looked down, and he licked his lips, thinking how sweet it was gonna taste in his mouth. He reached out to place a hand on Alex's thigh, and then Alex pulled away.

Darwin went to nod, because sure, if Alex didn't want him touching him that was fine. He got that this whole relationship was scary to Alex, and he damn well wasn't going to make him do something he didn't like. 

Alex moved to stretch out beside him on his front, and Darwin went to reach out, rub his back, ask if he needed a moment (or longer). If Alex had got too worked up and wanted some privacy, he could do that, go along the corridor and shower or whatever, because Alex was worth the embarrassment of having to do the walk of shame out of his own room without even getting laid. 

But then Alex moved, pushing his underwear down, leaving him almost naked, and for a moment Darwin was just staring at the curve of his ass, how damn gorgeous he looked laid out like that, lost in himself, and hell it was indecent of him to stare but god, his boy in his bed... he wanted to trace the scars he could see on Alex's back, kiss each of them, take away a lifetime of pain and make sure nothing could ever hurt him again, and Alex was just lost in it, and Darwin was about to ask if he should leave when Alex spoke, and when he spoke, his voice didn't sound good. Didn't sound right, didn't sound lost with fucking pleasure the way it should have been. His boy sounded scared.

"I'm ready, Dar," Alex muttered, the words gritted out.

"Alex?" Darwin asked, concerned, beginning to realise how damn new Alex was at this. God... he reached out, resting his fingers against a scar on Alex's thigh, but he saw Alex flinch.

Shit.

He pulled back instantly, and a small broken noise escaped Alex, the kind an injured animal made. Darwin hesitated, before reaching to brush Alex's back, mind humming with thoughts but needing to make sure Alex didn't feel alone, didn't feel scared. He wondered what Alex might have heard, wondered what he was expecting. He knew Alex was jumpy about this kinda stuff, he should have been more careful about it, stopped it, and he tried to work out how to handle this when right now neither of them was at all ready for anything, because damn if that noise Alex had made wouldn't haunt him for the rest of his life.  
"Baby, what do you mean you're ready?" he asked. He didn't want to imagine that Alex expected this to hurt, but he had to find out, had to _help_ him, had to make him feel good and safe. 

"M' ready for you to fuck me." Alex seemed to snarl it, his skin getting hot to the touch, his face buried in the sheets.

"Baby," Darwin tried to calm him, tried to work out what he could say at the thought that his boy had come here expecting it to hurt, and Alex was damn brave, and didn't back away from a challenge and he hurt, knowing that Alex had thought he'd take advantage or something. He cleared his throat, taking another deep breath, and trying to explain. "Alex, sweetheart, you ain’t ready for _no one_ to fuck you, not like that.” The truth of the words burned. His boy was so scared, practically fucking shaking, and Darwin felt his insides twist with guilt because he'd been fucking getting off on kissing Alex, having Alex straddle him, when it was quite clear Alex woulda rather been anywhere but here. He rubbed his back, trying to get him to relax, to calm down, trying to swallow the blame because he _couldn't_ feel guilty now. He'd blame himself later, right now his boy needed him.

"Have you done this before?" he asked, fingers rubbing across Alex's spine, trying to relax him. He could picture the kind of rumours Alex might have heard, could see how they'd make him tense as hell in a situation like this.

Alex nodded, his face pressed against the sheet, and Darwin was damn glad he didn't have Alex's power right then, because if he had he'd have gone and found whatever bastard had left his boy scared, had been too rough, and he'd have destroyed them. He wanted to scream, to snarl - but Alex didn't need that. Hell, sounded like Alex had had enough roughness in his life. Part of him hoped Alex was just acting tough, that he was embarrassed about being a virgin. But Darwin knew he wasn't lying, not with how he looked, the tears shining in those beautiful blue eyes.

There was another question he had to ask, even if he didn't want to. Because right now, a couple of scenarios were playing out in his mind, and neither of them were great, but he had to know which was right. If someone had hurt Alex, taken advantage of his boy liking them, told him it was love when it was anything but - or someone had hurt Alex, and Alex hadn't wanted any of it. He took another breath, trying to work out how he could possibly ask it.

"Alright, baby." He wasn't going to argue, not when Alex was hurting so fucking much already. He kept up the touch, because he was scared that if he took his hand away, Alex would crumple into ash. "Have you done this with someone you care about before?"

"The fuck that matter?" Alex asked, anger coming easy, wanting to lash out, and Darwin let him, let Alex hurt and rage because he couldn't do anything less, because Alex was hurting and he needed to get it out. 

"Because, baby if I were to fuck you right now, it would hurt," Darwin explained, keeping his voice calm, controlled. He couldn't lash out, couldn't scream, couldn't get upset, because Alex needed him to be the one who was strong here. Because Alex was hurting right now, and he didn't get to hurt as well.

"Yeah, and I said I was ready." Alex snapped, and silence fell.

Darwin opened his mouth, then closed it again, He didn't know what he could do, what he could say to make it right, because damn... he didn't know how to face the knowledge that his boy had come here, expecting to hurt, and had still kissed him like he wanted it. Had still pressed up close like this was something he needed. Darwin licked his lips, trying to think of what he could possibly say, how he could make this right, how he could explain without Alex feeling patronised and lashing out.

Then Alex pushed away.  
"Fine. I'm fucking outta here," Alex muttered, and before Darwin could stop him he was on his feet, and there were tears running down his face, as Alex grabbed at his clothes, and Darwin knew if he let Alex get out the door, he wouldn't ever fucking see him again. This was his one chance, and he'd hurt Alex so bad, he didn't even know what to say.

"Baby?" He whispered, and Alex turned, snarling at him, his skin starting to glow with unspoken fury.

"Don't fucking call me that." 

Darwin reached towards him, ignoring the danger, because hell even if Alex went off, it wasn't gonna kill him. But leaving Alex this hurt just might. Okay, Baby wasn't good, and he felt sick, thinking of all the times he'd said it thinking Alex liked it.  
"Alex," he took a deep breath. "Please. Don't just run off on me."

Darwin had braced himself for another shout of anger, even for Alex to shove him - not because Alex intended violence, but because he was scared and trying to feel in control. What he hadn't expected was the way that Alex fucking crumpled where he stood, arms around himself as he sobbed, tears running down his face.

Darwin didn't know if he should touch him, didn't want to scare him, but Alex was hurting so bad, he had to try and do something to make him feel calmer. Alex was shaking so hard he looked unsteady on his feet, and that made up Darwin's mind. 

He got to his feet, trying to move slowly and calmly, but Alex was crying so hard he didn't seem to see it.  
"Okay, I'm just going to hold you, Alex, you tell me to stop if you need..." Darwin told him, and then he wrapped his arms around him, rubbing soothing circles into his arms and back, fingers brushing the bare skin, and Alex started to cry harder he squeezed him tight, letting Alex sob into his shoulder.

"It's okay, I'm here, you're so brave, you know that? To come here tonight, you're so brave, I'm not mad at you at all ba-" he caught himself, stopped himself saying it. "I'm not mad at you at all Alex. I'm sorry this happened, you were so brave and you did so well, it's alright, I won't ever hurt you, I won't let you hurt I promise, I promise..." he kept repeating it, again and again, a soothing wall of words to cocoon Alex. Logically, he knew that Alex couldn't understand him properly, but it wasn't about that. It was about making him feel safe, ensuring he didn't still think he was alone. He could do that.

This changed things, and it wasn't Darwin's place to call how they had changed. If Alex never wanted another touch, he could live with that, or if he wanted to carry on, another time, or...whatever Alex wanted.  
"You're safe, you're doing so well, and I am so fucking proud of you, my little fighter, my hero..." he murmured, feeling Alex shifting slightly, the tears finally giving way to shuddering breaths. He kept talking to him, until he heard Alex's voice.

"Mando, stop," Alex said, and Darwin stopped, frozen in place, silent and worried he'd managed to mess up. Then Alex's arms tightened around him, and he pressed a kiss to Alex's forehead, trying to reassure him that it was all going to be okay. He squeezed Alex for a moment.

"Can I call you baby?" he asked. He had to know, had to know if he'd been hurting him all along, if he could help, what he could do.

Alex laughed slightly, the sound wounded, but not broken.  
"Love it when you call me baby," Alex answered, and Darwin knew his own face was damp with tears, but that didn't matter, not right now.

"Good. I like being sweet on you." Darwin told him, and the noise Alex made in response was soft. He needed to see Alex's expression. He tried to step back, and Alex whimpered, holding onto him tighter. "Easy, okay, just wanna see your face,baby. Mind if I move back just a little?"

Alex nodded, but didn't move, and that was alright, Darwin wasn't going to make Alex do anything he didn't want. He could take all of this at Alex's pace. He just held him close, until he took a slow step back.

"There he is," Darwin whispered, half to himself, reaching out to rest a hand on Alex's neck, tilting his face up slightly. Alex had been sobbing, but that fire was still in his eyes, and Darwin was so proud that his boy had never broken. He blinked away his own tears. "That didn't seem like too much fun. You feeling better?"

Alex shrugged, and Darwin could feel the tension there, the fear. He reached out, brushing his fingers across Alex's jaw, trying to workout what would help. Slowly, giving Alex plenty of time to pull away, he leaned in and kissed him softly, trying to calm him, to show him just how loved he was. He was relieved that he didn't panic, that after a moment he returned the kiss. 

"Come on now," Darwin started, and he knew what he wanted, he needed to curl up around his boy and protect him as they talked about this, because he wanted to help but he had to hold him. "Can we go to bed so I can hold you?"

Alex nodded against his lips, and he could have cried again from relief, squeezing him tighter for a moment.

Darwin led the way back towards the bed, brushing his hands down his sides, resting them on the scrap of fabric still clinging to Alex's hips.  
"Just pulling up your underwear baby, okay?" he told him softly, moving the fabric up, ignoring the urge to touch him there - not when Alex was clearly hurting, when he was afraid and it was up to Darwin to find some way to _fix_ this. A beautiful blush had settled across Alex's face, but Darwin resisted the urge to kiss it away - this went at Alex's pace now, not his.

Alex looked up, and then he curled in on himself, and Darwin almost flinched, hating the idea that he'd scared his boy so badly.  
"Were you crying?" Alex whispered, his voice shaking as he brushed his fingers against Darwin's jaw.

Darwin nodded, tilting his head a little towards that hand, and then a desperate injured noise escaped Alex. He squeezed him tighter in response.  
"I didn't like seeing my boy hurting so badly," he told him, wanting to come closer, to wrap himself around Alex and keep him safe.

"I'm fine." Alex snapped, and it didn't sound at all convincing.

"Baby..." Darwin knew he didn't want to argue, but hearing the lie stung a little. "Please, just come lie down and let me hold you? Please?" At Alex's nod, he entangled their fingers, heading backwards towards the bed. He reached the bed and fell onto it, moving so that he'd be in the middle, leaving the space closer to the edge for Alex, who didn't pull away. He let go of his hands, placing an arm out for Alex to curl up against if he wanted. 

Alex looked down, and for a moment Darwin held his breath, not sure if Alex was going to run again. But then Alex was climbing in beside him, his head resting on Darwin's arm. 

Darwin smiled, pulling the comforter up over them, giving Alex some privacy and keeping him warm. There was a pause for a moment before Darwin moved closer, to press against him, Alex's back against his front, and they fit like that, they fit together perfectly. He wrapped his other arm around him, keeping him warm.  
"Here we are, sweetheart. This is perfect, baby, just what I wanted." He murmured soothingly into Alex's hair, making no attempt to move away or push for more. He would hold Alex like this for as long as he could. He feared what answers he might get, or not getting any, but whatever happened, he was going to be here for Alex to hold on to for as long as he needed.


	2. Protection

Darwin had no control over his mutation. He couldn’t make it work, just because he wanted to, and he couldn’t stop it if it decided it was happening. But sometimes, it cooperated with him. That night, with Alex asleep in his arms, it did what he wanted it to. He stayed awake.

He watched Alex, his eyes sharp enough to see the emotion flickering across the boy’s face. Whenever Alex started to shift uncomfortably, or show any sign of panic, Darwin was able to hold him, and soothe him. To help him sleep. He stayed awake all night, guarding Alex, and he couldn’t help thinking he would be happy to spend the rest of his life just here. Just keeping his boy safe.

It broke his heart a little bit more every time Alex seemed to tense up in fear, but he held him and made sure he was comfortable. He smiled, watching over him, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead, because right now Alex was sleeping comfortably, and he could protect him. He hadn’t been there to protect him before, that much was clear. No one had. And he was afraid of the discussions that were going to be coming, in finding out the truth after last night - but for now, at least, he could keep Alex feeling safe.

Darwin promised himself that whatever Alex said, whatever truths he wanted to share or keep private, Alex would be sure that Darwin supported him, that he didn’t blame him and wasn’t angry with him. He couldn’t prevent Alex being hurt before, but he could make sure he wasn’t hurt any more now. Alex started to stir, and another kiss led to a soft smile settling on his face, and Darwin knew that at least for now, Alex felt safe. That was something - not enough, but a start. He’d have stayed there forever, watching Alex, knowing that he was safe in his arms. 

Eventually though, Alex’s eyes flickered open, mumbling to himself.  
“Mornin’, Mando.” Alex’s face pressed up close to him, as he nuzzled against Darwin, his hair tickling slightly against Darwin’s bare chest.

“Good morning, baby,” Darwin murmured, wanting to press another kiss to his forehead, but Alex had snuggled out of reach, so he pulled him even closer. Alex made a cute little noise in response, and Darwin knew he would gladly die for this man, do anything to keep him safe. “How’re you feeling?” Darwin didn’t like reminding him, but he had to know - he had to reassure him after the previous night. “Any better?”

Alex shrugged slightly, staying quiet, so Darwin rubbed his back, giving him time to work things out, to decide what he wanted to say. Because he might not know details, but it was clear his boy had been through a lot, and the last thing Darwin wanted was to make the hurt worse. He kept looking at him, trying to smile a little, gazing down at that beautiful face.

Then Alex leaned up, and kissed him, and he kissed him back, keeping it soft, gentle - because he couldn’t survive a repeat of last night. He never wanted to see that terror in his baby’s face again. But soft kissing, he could do that, let Alex know he was the most gorgeous thing he’d ever seen.

Alex pulled back, and Darwin was careful not to stop him. However this went, it was up to Alex now. Darwin would give him whatever he wanted, but if Alex had been hurt, Darwin couldn’t add to that pain. Darwin knew he’d have to let Alex take the lead, if this was going to go anywhere. Alex’s forehead bumped against his, and he relaxed a little, because Alex hadn’t panicked at finding him here. 

“About last night...” Alex started to say, and there was terror shining in his eyes, and Darwin leaned in again, another soft kiss to his lips.  
“We don’t have to talk about it, sweetheart. But I wanna make sure you’re okay, yeah?” He hesitated, not wanting to upset him, or make him feel pressured. He tried to smile, to find the words that would fix this. “I care about you a whole lot, Alex, and I don’t like it when you’re hurt.”

“I’m fine.” Alex said, and it was no more convincing than it had been the previous night.

“Okay,” Darwin said, not because he believed him, but because Alex needed to hear that, needed not to be pushed. He was quiet, his hand still rubbing up and down Alex’s back, for a long time, and then Alex was kissing him again. He kissed back gently, but when Alex tried to deepen it he moved back slightly. He couldn’t do it, couldn’t hurt Alex. The previous night was bad enough, but carrying on with this now, knowing that Alex had been hurt, that he needed help - he couldn’t do it. He wanted to tell him he was sorry, but before he could Alex was talking.

“I’m so sorry, Dar, I’m so, so sorry,” Alex was mumbling, his words slurred together, and Darwin felt sick because there was no way his boy should sound like that.

“Baby, what’re you talking about?” Darwin asked, gently cupping his jaw, holding him close, ready to talk, or to listen, but knowing with absolute certainty that Alex had done nothing that needed apologising for. He brushed his fingers against the faint hint of stubble on Alex’s cheek.

“I’m sorry,” Alex was murmuring, and his eyes were closed tight, and Darwin wanted to hurt anything that had ever hurt his baby, wanted to make him feel safe, make it all okay, but he had to know what was wrong so he could fix it.

“Baby…” Darwin began, then stopped because he didn’t know what came next, didn’t know how to help him. If he’d known, maybe he could help, but as it was he just felt useless. He sighed, and Alex flinched like he was expecting to be hit, and Darwin made himself speak, trying to sound calm. “Alex, I’m not sure what you keep apologising for.” He was going to say more, but then Alex looked up, those beautiful eyes close to tears, and Darwin fell silent.

Alex was frowning, but confused was better than terrified, so Darwin just held him and waited until he spoke.  
“I ruined last night.” And there was such sorrow there, such guilt and fear, and Darwin hated that the world had made Alex feel like that. 

He brushed his hand down Alex’s face, gently tilting his face up, so he could look his boy in the eye.  
“Alex, nothing was ruined last night.” And he could tell Alex didn’t believe it, but it was true.

“I fucked up, Dar,” Alex answered, and he looked so angry with himself. “You don’t gotta spare me feelin’s or nothin’.” And it was awful, knowing that Alex believed that. That Alex really thought he’d messed up because he’d been afraid, when Alex had clearly been through a lot of shit he never should have had to deal with. Darwin took a deep breath, and tried to smile.

“I asked you to spend the night, yeah?” he asked, and Alex nodded, still pressing close, as though he was afraid this was the last chance he got, but Darwin was determined that it wouldn’t be. Hell, if it was up to him he’d sleep like that, keeping Alex safe every night from now on. “When I asked you to spend the night, I was asking you to spend the night. That’s it,” Darwin explained, and the sheer lack of understanding in Alex’s eyes was heartbreaking.

Alex’s frown deepened, his shoulders rising, tucking in on himself a little.   
“I don’t…” he began, and then fell quiet for a moment. “You asked me to fuck. That’s what it means.” Alex sounded so uncertain, so lost. Darwin wanted to wrap his arms around him tighter than ever, to reassure him, but he had to give him space. 

Alex shivered, and then carried on, his voice sounding nervous.  
“I… I could give you head? I’m good at it, Dar, I promise.” Alex offered, trying to bargain with himself, as though that was a compromise, as though Darwin might be generous enough to do that, and Darwin felt like he was going to be sick.

He made sure he was looking Alex in the eye, wanting to tell him the truth, to make sure he understood.  
“No, Alex. I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear, or if I lead you on, but I really was just asking you over to spend the night.” Darwin explained, as patient and gentle as he could, to prove to Alex that he’d given him everything he wanted. “I just wanted to spend the night holding you. Hadn’t meant it as a come on, baby, I promise.” He felt guilty. He’d caused this. He’d made Alex afraid, made him think he’d been planning on using him, and it was clear that Alex had suffered before. And even with that, Alex had come to him.

“No one’s ever wanted to do that ‘fore,” Alex murmured, and Darwin pulled him closer on instinct, needing to reassure him, to show him that he could be held for as long as he needed to be. Because at that moment he felt he could hold him forever. Alex’s pulse was racing against him, and Darwin just held him, staying quiet when Alex began to explain. 

“I… there was this guy, once. I thought he cared about me, ya know? He was a good friend of the foster family I was with, and he seemed real friendly whenever he came over.” 

Darwin was feeling sick, only too aware of how this could be going, how stories like this might end. The way Alex was speaking, it sounded like this man had been a lot older, and Darwin was never normally a violent person but he wanted to hurt anyone who had ever thought they could take advantage of the boy in his arms. He stayed still though. He didn’t know if Alex had ever told anyone this. If Alex was willing to talk, the least he could do was do him the honour of listening.

“One night he asked if I wanted to go out on a drive with him, and the folks didn’t say nothin’ against it, so I went. I didn’t know he was gonna kiss me, but it felt pretty good, so I went with it.” 

There was shame in Alex’s eyes, and Darwin wanted to tell him it wasn’t his fault, that he’d done nothing wrong, but Alex sounded like he was about to cry, and if he needed to get these words out then Darwin would hold him, and they could talk after. Alex carried on, with shuddering breaths, and Darwin kept his arms around him.

“He asked me to spend the night, once. Told me it meant we were gonna have sex, that everyone knew that, and that I was just a dumb kid ‘cause I didn’t want him to fuck me.” Alex fell silent, and Darwin held him closer, trying to work out what he could possibly say to that, how he could possibly fix so much harm. He allowed his eyes to close, let himself take a slow, deep breath, and then opened his eyes again.

“Alex, baby, how old was this man?” Because Darwin needed to know. He wanted so desperately to hear it was some kid Alex’s age, but he was sure it wouldn’t be. Alex’s heart was beating so fast, like a frightened animal, and Darwin just wanted to make it all alright.

“Not really sure, but he was around the age of the foster parents.” Alex admitted, and Darwin allowed himself another deep breath, knowing he had to look after him.

“Alright, that’s...alright. But...you did have sex with him?”

Alex shook his head, and a cascade of relief flooded through Darwin, only for it to take on a bitter edge as pain flickered in Alex’s eyes.  
“Nah. He didn’t talk to me again.”

There was nothing he could say, nothing that could make it better. Some man had taken advantage of Alex when he was still a kid, and left him feeling ashamed for managing to stand up for himself, for being strong. He pulled him closer, pressing his face into Alex’s hair, inhaling his scent, clinging to him for a moment because he had to feel like he was keeping him safe. Alex clung to him in return.

Darwin held him tight, trying not to let his mind continue. Because what Alex said last night - if that bastard hadn’t raped Alex, then someone else had. Darwin had no doubt in his mind that someone had forced Alex, pushed him more than he wanted to go, told him it was meant to be like that. And Darwin couldn’t fix it. He could just hold him, and hope that one day he’d get the chance to show Alex the truth.

Alex’s face pressed against his neck, and Alex was petting him, protecting him, even when it should have been Darwin comforting him. He had to talk to him, had to make sure it was okay. He carefully pulled back to kiss Alex’s forehead. Alex whimpered, but Darwin pulled back away to look him in the eye. He had to tell him how proud he was.  
“Thank you for telling me that, baby. I really appreciate you being so brave.”

Alex shrugged, ducking his head and looking down, and Darwin’s heart twisted in his chest.  
“Can I hold you for a while?” he asked, quiet enough that Alex could pretend not to hear him if he’d rather.

Alex nodded, and Darwin sighed in relief, moving the two of them so that Alex was lying on his chest, Alex’s head on his collarbone. This way, if Alex got scared or needed to get out, he could. He wasn’t trapped, but Darwin could keep him safe. He smiled, cuddling him closer, and then wrapping his arms around Alex’s waist, holding him against his heart.

Darwin breathed slowly, feeling Alex settling against him. He continued to stroke his hand up and down his spine, showing Alex he trusted him, that he was safe now - because Alex was. No matter what it cost him, Darwin wasn’t gonna let his boy suffer any more. There’d been too much pain already in his life, he refused to allow any more.

Alex took a deep breath, and Darwin could feel his entire body tensing against him. He stayed quiet, giving Alex as long as he needed for whatever it was. Because whatever he was going to say was clearly going to cost him a lot.  
“So… you’re not done with me?”

Darwin clung to him tighter, trying to look in his eyes.   
“Baby, I never even considered being done with you.” He promised, trying to reassure him, before a concern crossed his mind, and he frowned. “You still care about me, yeah?”

“Fuck yes!” Alex sounded so fucking determined, and Darwin felt himself relax a little. He smiled.

“Good. ‘cause I still care about you… I care about you a whole helluva lot, Alex, and none’a that’s changed, baby,” Darwin promised, smiling as Alex twisted up to kiss him softly, hands resting against his face as Alex moaned into his lips, pressed against him, the kiss tender and deep and full of love. Darwin wondered if Alex even had any idea how much Darwin loved him. He’d happily tell him every day of the rest of their lives if given the chance. 

He could feel Alex’s cock taking an interest in the proceedings, knew his own was doing the same even as his mutation cooled him, stopping Alex from burning up with his ability. Alex sucked on his lip, biting down, and Darwin moaned into his mouth, pressing up against him as Alex ground against him. He reached out, gently gripping Alex’s hips before they could get too far because even though Alex wanted this, they hadn’t dealt with what happened, and he couldn’t hurt his boy. He couldn’t face the thought of hurting Alex.

Alex whined, and that was the sweetest little sound, the frustrated noise of his boy wanting more, and hell, he wanted to give him that, but Darwin was going to be the responsible one because one of them had to be. Slowly Alex calmed down, still rocking slightly, and then stilling as they kept kissing, until they were just close, laying against each other, breathing together, and Darwin knew he had a goofy smile on his face, his eyes full of love for his boy.

Alex pushed himself up on his elbows, gazing at Darwin, and Darwin couldn’t help thinking that Alex’s grin was almost as goofy as his own. He wanted to get back to kissing him, to seeing what other cute sounds Alex made, to see the look on Alex’s face when he cae. But he had to do this right.  
“Before we go any further, baby, I want us to talk…” He saw a flicker of concern in Alex’s eyes and he needed to make it clear it wasn’t anything Alex had done wrong. “I don’t wanna push you or make you say nothing you don’t want to, but I don’t want last night to ever happen again, alright? I hate seeing you hurting.” He couldn’t cope with a repeat of that previous night. Seeing his boy hurting so bad was something that would never leave him.

“I’m fine,” Alex mumbled, but he sounded less defensive, nodding and curling up against him, and Darwin kept stroking his back, trying to soothe him, trying to work out how he was going to play this because this conversation mattered. If the two of them were ever going to get anywhere in this relationship, he had to do this right.

“When we have do have sex, it isn’t going to hurt either of us, all right?” Darwin promised, smiling as Alex snuggled up on his chest, his adaptation reshaping his body to ensure that Alex was comfortable. “You said you were ready last night ‘fore we’d done any prep.” He kept petting up and down Alex’s back, in time with his breathing, because he couldn’t face the idea of stopping. 

Alex frowned, and Darwin couldn’t help thinking the look was cute on him, even if he knew it meant something was wrong.  
“Sometimes the guys wanted…” And Alex fell silent, and Darwin tensed but tried to hide it, to keep calm, because whatever Alex was admitting, he had to support him. Alex looked so afraid, and Darwin wanted to protect him, but he couldn’t stop thinking about it. He wanted to help. But guys… guys meant more than one. He had no idea what Alex was talking about - if he’d been desperate for money, or in a gang, or- and Alex kept talking, and his worst fears were confirmed. 

“In prison, sometimes they’d want me to give ‘em head first. ‘Fore they fucked me. Is...that what you mean?” Alex asked, innocent as anything, and Darwin felt his heart shatter, clinging to him, as his mind screamed at him that he should have been there, that he should have kept him safe, he should have, and it made no sense but all he could think was he should have looked after Alex - and then he realised he was hurting him now, gripping him too tight, and Alex was whimpering, and Darwin felt sick.

“I’m sorry, baby, I’m sorry.” He whispered, trying to calm him down, to explain, knowing he couldn’t let his fear take over because he couldn’t let this be about him as Alex told him what had happened. He fought down his nausea. “I don’t like hearing about you being hurt when all I wanna do is keep you safe.” He took a deep breath, trying to think, and Alex was patting him, trying to look after him, trying to help when this awful thing had happened to Alex, and he was trying to comfort Darwin, and Darwin couldn’t help feeling like a shitty boyfriend if he was reacting like that. But people had… men had hurt his boy, and Alex had thought Darwin was going to do the same to him. And Alex had still come here. He’d looked scared, but he’d come, and he’d kissed Darwin like his life depended upon it.

Darwin knew Charles cared about Alex - at least enough that if Alex begged for protection, Charles would provide it. Which meant that it wasn’t just fear that had meant Alex came to him. It was the fact Alex cared about him enough to… to endure, whatever happened, and Darwin wanted to just keep him safe from a world that had taught him that all he could do was survive. After a few more breaths, he returned to the matter at hand, because he was determined he’d do this now, to talk about it before he lost his bravery.

“No, baby, that’s not what I meant as prep. Have you ever used lube before?” Darwin asked, keeping his voice as calm as he could, glad it didn’t sound too shaky in his own ears. 

Alex shook his head, and Darwin felt his stomach drop, but he tried to sound calm, and he thought it worked.   
“Okay, baby.” He tried to work out how to explain it. “Lube is like an oil that makes things real slippery. It feels real good when you're stroking yourself, and it feels real good during penetration. Fact is, I’d never wanna try and fuck no one without it.” He thought his voice sounded pretty calm, which was good.

“Oh,” Alex looked up at him nervously. “And that’s… normal…?”

Darwin shrugged. It was a bit complicated given his adaptation - his body could adapt and make things like that easier. But that wasn’t a conversation to get into at that moment, not when he wanted to get it into Alex’s head that when they fucked it wasn’t going to hurt anyone.   
“Everyone’s different, baby. I know women lubricate a bit themselves, naturally, but an asshole doesn’t have nothing like that. I wouldn’t wanna fuck someone dry, ‘cause I know that’d hurt them.” He refused to hurt Alex. Not like that. Not in any way if he could manage it. 

Alex shuddered in his arms, and sounded close to tears.  
“It don’t gotta hurt?”

Darwin’s heart gave another sickening twist, and he leaned in to press a kiss to his forehead.   
“Baby no, I promise you, baby, it won’t hurt.” He shivered slightly. “And if it does, you tell me, and we’ll slow down and I’ll make you feel so good before we go any further, okay?” He didn’t even think he’d be capable of doing it if Alex wouldn’t say that something hurt.

Alex lifted up to look at him, and there were tears in his eyes, but … it didn’t look like sad tears.   
“Can… ‘Mando?” Alex’s voice trembled slightly. “Can you show me what it’s supposed to feel like? Please?”


	3. Care

Alex had asked him to take care of him. To make him feel good, after everything he had been through, and Darwin's breath caught slightly in his throat at the thought of it. The thought of taking care of Alex, of making him feel good - he wanted to do it, of course he did, he just didn't want to make him feel like he had to do that. He'd love Alex forever even without intimacy like that if that would make Alex happy.

But Alex wanted it. Alex gazed at him like he loved him, and that was enough, and Darwin wanted to kiss him, but he wanted to answer him as well. It was that that won out. He took a deep breath and smiled at Alex, nodding.  
"Alright." He fell silent for a moment, trying to work out how to phrase it without insulting Alex. "Yeah, baby, if you're feeling up to it... yeah." 

Calling Alex baby tasted right on his tongue. He was glad he got to do it again. And then Alex was surging up from beneath him, leaning up for a filthy kiss. Darwin grinned, heart singing to have his boy so close. He kissed back, his fingers running down Alex's bare back, pressing his chest against Darwin's own. He felt no rush, nothing he had to race through. He could take this slow, and make Alex feel just as good as he deserved, and he held him close, kissing him deeply.

Alex started to squirm, turned on by the kiss, and Darwin smirked a little as Alex made a beautifully soft whine. He deepened the kiss, seeing what other little noises he could tease out from Alex beneath him. Alex's hands traced over his body, and he returned the favour, feeling the muscles of Alex's back, of his arms, those strong shoulders. He lost himself into the moment, holding onto Alex, keeping him close and making him feel good.

Eventually, Alex pulled back from the kiss, pressing heated kisses down his jaw as he panted for breath. Darwin wasn't short of breath, his body having adapted, but he suspected if not for that he'd have been gasping like he had run a marathon.

"Do you know what you want to do, baby?" Darwin asked in between soft kisses, letting out gentle noises of his own.

Alex shook his head, his mouth tracing Darwin's jaw, and that earlier panic had gone, replaced with curiosity and shyness.

"That's fine, darling," Darwin promised. “What do you like to do?”

“I like kissin’ you?” Alex answered, blushing and it was so damn sweet, after everything his boy had been through, that he was able to allow himself to be vulnerable, able to admit what he wanted like that. 

Darwin smiled, pride shining in his eyes.  
"I like kissing you too."

Alex leaned into the praise like a plant in sunlight, and reached up for another kiss which Darwin was only too happy to provide as he tried to think, feeling Alex's hope and shy trust in every touch. He wanted to make this good for him, something to start to make up for the pain he'd suffered before. Alex deserved that.

He leaned in for more tender kisses, making the most of the chance he had. Alex was in his bed, in his arms, and he wanted nothing more than to take care of him, making him feel safe, taking away all the pain of the past and giving him something good, because Alex deserved good. Alex deserved the best. He moaned softly against his lips, pressing closer to him.

"You ever rubbed off on someone?" Darwin asked between kisses, gasping in air, because even if he could adapt he still felt breathless. Alex collapsed against him a little, shaking his head as he tucked in against Darwin's chest, comfortable and perfect, fitting just right.  
"Alright, baby. It's something I really like doing." Darwin watched Alex closely for any sign of discomfort, but that seemed a good place to start, somewhere that wouldn't hurt him, somewhere he could feel good without having to do anything that made him feel uncomfortable. "Would you wanna start with that?"

Alex shrugged, curling in on himself, his cheeks heating a little, but it didn't look like the good kind of embarrassed. He rubbed a hand down his back, before tilting Alex's chin up to look at him, leaning up to brush his nose against Alex's cheeks, making him smile.  
"Baby, can you lift up a bit so I can get our underwear off?"

Alex started to move away, but Darwin grabbed him, not wanting to lose the contact, leaning up for another kiss when Alex frowned. Alex answered the kiss with a soft smile, and Darwin saw how beautiful he was, carefully undressing them both of the last remaining bits of their clothing. Alex moved to rub against him, groaning and then half collapsing against him, pressing his hips towards him more, He ran his hands down that strong back, over Alex's muscles until he reached his ass, squeezing and moaning at how right it felt, Alex so close against him. 

"Holy shit, Mando," Alex whispered, clinging to him, and pressing closer, rocking his hips. Darwin gazed down at him, letting Alex set the pace, feeling how he rocked against him, rubbing their cocks together, groaning at the sensation. All the while, Alex was letting out these sweet little moans and cries, and Darwin could have listened to those noises forever, the way Alex whined and gasped as he surrendered to how good it felt. He'd never understand how anyone could make Alex feel anything other than precious, someone to be treasured, protected, loved.

"I'm gonna come," Alex whispered, pressing against him, hiding his face as climax swept through him, his body trembling as he continued to rock against Darwin’s hips. He ran his hands over Alex's body, holding him close, needing to touch him, still painfully hard and feeling Alex shaking in his arms. He wanted to tell him how wonderful he was, how amazing, all those things that were true, which Alex deserved to hear every day and had never been told.

Before he could say anything, Alex seemed to crumple against him, starting to cry in his arms.  
"It's okay," Darwin whispered, rubbing his back, stroking his hand over soft skin, trying to ground him, to calm him so he could ask what was wrong. "It's okay, baby, you did so well there, you did great.... You're doing so well, it's okay, it's okay..." He kept murmuring soothing nonsense, until Alex seemed to calm enough that Darwin was able to lean in.  
"Baby, what's going on?" He asked carefully. If Alex didn't want to say, that was up to him, but he needed to know if there was some invisible tripwire that he'd crashed into, something he'd done that had hurt Alex when that was the last thing he wanted. 

Eventually, Alex moved up onto his elbows, looking down at him with tearful eyes. Darwin braced himself, but when Alex spoke, he smiled.  
"I'm in love with you."

"Baby," Darwin could scarcely believe it. He'd never expected Alex to go out and say it, not like that, not knowing how cautious Alex was about these things. "Baby, I love you too."

Alex's breathless laugh was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard, and after a moment Alex leaned in to kiss him, and that was perfect. He was happy to kiss him, soft and gentle, feeling how tired Alex was, just wanting him close and to make him feel good.

Eventually though, he had to pull away.  
"Stay here," he whispered, running his hand down to rest against Alex's ass, watching him closely for any sign of reluctance. "I'm just going to get us a warm towel to clean up, and grab us some lube, okay?"

Alex nodded, so Darwin rolled them over, stealing a quick kiss before pulling away, grimacing a little at the way they were slightly stuck together from Alex's climax.

"Sorry 'bout that,” Alex muttered, looking over at him, expression shy but almost mischievous, and Darwin felt his heart full of pride for Alex. After the broken nightmare Alex had offered before - this was so beautiful. 

Darwin raised an eyebrow.   
"I certainly wasn't complaining during _any_ of that, darling."

Alex's answering smile was beautiful, and as he watched Alex stretched out on the bed, nuzzling into the pillow contentedly. Darwin wanted to kiss him, to pull him close, but he knew he had to take care of him, so he walked to the bathroom, cleaning himself off. He hated being away from Alex, even for this little time, but he knew it was worth it, and Alex deserved his full attention when he was there. He washed himself clean, gasping slightly as his fingers touched his cock, before grabbing a clean towel. 

He made his way back to where Alex was waiting, spread out on the bed, beautiful and breathtaking and so trusting. Darwin's heart felt like it could burst, when after everything Alex had been through, he still found it in him to trust. He straddled Alex, leaning in and wiping Alex down gently, careful to touch him with a care he hadn't been given enough of in his life. All the time he did, Alex kept smiling at him, soft and happy in the afterglow, his eyes full of love, and Darwin could have just watched him forever. When Alex was clean, he threw away the towel, making Alex laugh, and that sound was so stunning. He could hear it every day for the rest of his life, and it wouldn't be enough.

Alex reached up to touch his legs, running up his thighs, making him shiver.  
"Thank you, Alex breathed, his eyes running down Darwin's body. "You're gorgeous, Dar." Alex looked at him like he was trying to worship him, gazing with sheer wonder and love. "I...I want you to fuck me."

Darwin's breath caught in his throat. After everything his boy had been through, the thought of being trusted that much, of Alex making himself so vulnerable, it was breathtaking. His heart ached with how much he wanted him, how much he desired Alex. 

Then Alex was reaching out, his thumb brushing the tip of Darwin's cock, making him groan with need. Alex brought his thumb to his mouth, licking up Darwin's precome, and he moaned again, clenching his hands at his sides.

"F-fuck, baby," Darwin gasped, as Alex's hands reached out, stroking at the base of his cock, sending waves of pleasure crashing through him. He watched his boy close, knowing this couldn't be more different from the night before - this was Alex doing something because he wanted to, because he thought it'd be good. And that was proved when Alex spoke.

"I'd... you said it wouldn't hurt, that it didn't have to hurt, and I believe you." That trust meant so much, and Darwin wanted to lean in, to kiss those soft lips, but then Alex brought his hand to Darwin's face and he could tilt his head and kiss Alex's palm, not having to look away for a moment. Alex smiled, just a hint of anxiousness shining in those beautiful eyes.  
"I want you to show me how good it can feel, okay?"

Darwin took a deep breath, pressing close against him, hearing the soft joy of Alex's laughter. He wanted him, more than anything, wanted to hold him close and make him feel good, show him how much he could do, how good it could feel. His boy had been hurt before, and Darwin wasn't ever going to let it hurt again.

He leaned in to kiss him, feeling Alex's cock hardening, pressing against him He smiled against Alex's beautiful lips.  
"Yeah, baby," and then they were kissing again, and it felt good, so good as Alex pulled him closer and he kept the kiss going, deep and real, pulling Alex against him. He ground up against Alex's stomach, felt Alex's hand wrap around him, making him moan as he brushed against him. Alex grinned at the noise, and Darwin thought that smile was the sexiest thing he'd ever fucking seen.

"B-Baby," he nipped Alex;s lip, then kissed his cheek. "I'm not... I'm having a real hard time not blowing my load right now, so if you could-" He moaned again, hips twitching into Alex's hand. "If you could stop jacking me off-" Another moan, as Alex stopped touching him to lean against the pillows, arms up towards the headboard, relaxed and trusting and boneless, utterly beautiful. Darwin didn't want to think of how Alex had looked the night before, not now when he looked so relaxed, letting him look, not shy at all, just watching Darwin watching him. This was the most gorgeous, most sexy, most lovely thing Darwin had ever seen, and he committed every inch of the other man to memory.

"I'm ready," Alex whispered, and there was nothing in his voice like there had been the last time he'd said it. There wasn't fear this time, because his boy trusted him, and that made Darwin's heart feel about a million times bigger than it ever had before. "I love you, Mando. I believe that you'll make it good for me."

"I promise. I love you too." Darwin promised it to him, reaching out, letting his fingers trace the same paths he had looekd at, the soft skin of Alex's stomach, the strength of his shoulders, the smoothness of his hips. Alex pressed up into the touch, like a satisfied cat, and it was the most beautiful damn thing Darwin had seen in his life.

Then Alex was reaching out as well, brushing his hands against him, stroking his cock once more and making him twitch, rubbing him slowly.

"You're so incredible," Darwin whispered, worshipping Alex with his eyes and his fingers, making him feel as good as he always should have felt, showing him how remarkable he was.

"C'mon," Alex grinned, but there was just a hint of nervousness in his gaze. "I thought you said you were gonna fuck me?" The words were accompanied by an eyebrow raise, Alex aiming for playful even when he was nervous, and he looked down at him fondly.

"You're a little shit," Darwin teased.

That, at least, made Alex smile.   
"But you love me."

"But I love you," Darwin agreed, heart racing with desire, amazed by how far Alex had come, how much he was offering him. He was incredible. He wanted him, wanted to make him feel good. But before any of that, he leaned in for another tender kiss, his lips brushing over Alex's.


	4. Love

When he pulled away from that kiss, Alex was still smiling up at him, sheer trust and love sparkling in his eyes. Darwin knew at that moment he loved Alex so much more than he ever could have imagined, and he wanted to take care of him, make him feel good, make sure that his boy never had any reason to regret allowing him close. 

He pulled away a little, grabbing some lube from the bedside table. He was going to make Alex feel good. That was his main aim here, to make Alex feel just as incredible as he possibly could. To ensure that Alex had a good memory of intimacy, because Alex deserved it, because Alex had suffered before and he wouldn't let him suffer again.

He could see nervousness in Alex's eyes, but he knew he'd stop if Alex seemed reluctant. He just would see how it went, and if Alex didn't want this - if Alex never wanted to do it like this, that was alright. He just wanted to make Alex happy, because he loved him more than he ever would have dreamed was possible, and he would do it however worked for him. He poured some lube out into his hand, and then smiled.

"Alright, baby, can you spread your legs for me?" he asked gently, running his free hand down Alex's thigh, giving him time to relax, but keeping in contact, letting him know he was wanted, that he was doing so well. It took a moment, but Alex moved, pulling his legs up against his chest.

Darwin smiled at him, and Alex relaxed back against the pillows, looking more calm now. He was gorgeous like that, open and happy and so precious that Darwin felt almost hypnotised by it. He ran his fingers carefully down, over his hip, brushing lightly, and then stroking him, feeling the way Alex arched a little, how very sensitive his beautiful boy was. He wanted to make him feel amazing.

"What are you doin', Mando?" Alex asked, as he stroked him again.

"Sorry baby, I just wanna touch you all over," Darwin explained, carrying on doing it watching Alex carefully, wetting one finger as he continued to stroke him. As Alex seemed to lose that last bit of tension, chasing the pleasure of Darwin's hand wrapped around his cock, he carefully brushed one finger against Alex's entrance, circling it around the tight hole.

"Fuck," Alex muttered but it wasn't a sign to stop, not judging by the sheer expression of bliss on his face, the way he rocked and squirmed against him. Darwin kept the place slow, watching him, and then carefully beginning to press his fingertip inside. The second there was any pressure there, Alex's body tensed up beneath him, trembling. Darwin stayed still, clean fingers brushing Alex's thigh, tilting his head to kiss his ankle, letting Alex decide where to go next. He didn't pull away, didn't decide for him, just let him choose.

Then Alex relaxed, that tension draining from him, and Darwin was able to push his finger inside of him, Alex's body warm and soft, and Darwin knew he wouldn't ever let anyone hurt Alex again, stunned that his boy could still trust him after all that had happened. There were tears in Alex's eyes, and Darwin stroked his skin gently from the inside, keeping touching him, watching him for any sign of discomfort. It wasn't long before Alex was squirming a little, not to get away from him, but to get more, and he obeyed, adding a second finger. 

"Mando, that's-" Alex started, pressing back against him, seeking more, and it was beautiful, the way his boy was trusting him, the way Alex was letting him take care, letting him make Alex feel good. "Nothin's ever felt like this 'fore."

"Good," Darwin grunted, pulling his fingers out, and then slowly pushing back in, making Alex cry out, and then dipping down to suck on Alex's cock, feeling his body tighten around his fingers.

"Holy fuckin' shit!" Alex tensed, but it was the good kind of tensing, and he smirked a little, grinning up and catching Alex's gaze as he sucked on him. Alex looked amazing, lost in pleasure like that, and Darwin was committing every bit of it to memory, adding another finger now that Alex's attention was elsewhere. He pushed his fingers deeper, swallowing Alex down, feeling the slight bump of his prostate, pressing his fingers against it.

Almost that second, Alex came, his body shaking with pleasure, gasping and moaning. Alex kept looking at him the whole time, watching as Darwin looked up at him, then swallowing around him, fingers still brushing his prostate, sucking on him,feeling Alex rocking against him, utterly surrendering to the pleasure. 

He carried on until Alex made the sweetest little whine, his hands moving from the sheets to Darwin's shoulders, seeming unsure if he wanted to pull him closer or push him away, shaking with the pleasure of it.  
"I need a minute," Alex gasped, his words uncertain and stuttering, as though he had forgotten how he was meant to talk. 

Darwin lifted his head up, keeping his fingers inside Alex as Alex shivered, pulling him closer. Alex made a noise, and it took a moment for Darwin to untangle the slurred syllables, to realise Alex was asking what the fuck had just happened. Darwin couldn't help a proud grin at the way he'd made Alex lose himself like that, how he'd made his boy relax and apparently shown him something new.  
"That was your prostate," Darwin grinned.

"Fuckin' love that," Alex muttered, pressing his lips together, gazing up at Darwin with a pout that would have looked ridiculous if Darwin hadn't wanted to kiss Alex just as much as Alex wanted to be kissed. He leaned down, kissing him tenderly, letting Alex relax again, giving him the time he needed, until they ended up with their foreheads resting against each other, breathing close.  
"How was that?" Darwin asked. He was pretty sure it was good, judging by Alex's reaction, but he wasn't going to push for more, not if Alex didn't want it. They could stop there, and Darwin would be more than satisfied enough.

"Like you don't know," Alex huffed, and Darwin frowned a little, but then Alex's hands were running up his sides, his boy gazing up at him in sheer love. "That was amazing." There was no reluctance there, no pain, only utter love and Darwin was sure he must have looked the same, felt the same. He wanted him so badly, wanted to be inside him.

"Good..." he kissed him, then pressed soft kisses to Alex's jar to whisper in his ear. "I wanna fuck you now, baby," he whispered, waiting, letting Alex decide if he wanted that, and then Alex nodded, a moan escaping him, and Darwin nuzzled against him, pulling his fingers away, watching as Alex rocked his hips, chasing more. 

He stroked himself, Alex looking up at him with want, and that was so hot, his boy wanting this, wanting him. He committed each moment of it to memory, hands resting on Alex's thighs as he brushed the tip of his cock against Alex's hole, checking he looked okay with it, and then slowly pushing inside, filling him.

It felt amazing. Alex _was_ amazing. 

Alex's eyes filled with tears, and he leaned closer, wiping those tears away, worried in case he was hurting him, or bringing up emotions he couldn't explain, ready to stop the second Alex needed him to.  
"Baby, what're you thinking?" he asked, feeling Alex trembling.

"I love you," Alex whispered, and now the tears were falling, but he was smiling, and Darwin leaned in to kiss him, to hold him close, to let him know that it was mutual. After a few moments he lifted his head up, pressing kisses to Alex's throat.

"This is the best thing I've ever felt" Alex gasped, and Darwin smiled against his neck, moving a little faster. "Oh fuck..." Alex groaned, pulling him closer, fingernails scratching and Darwin felt his skin adapt at his back even as he moaned because Alex gripping him felt good, rocking into him, adjusting his angle with each thrust until he managed to find Alex's prostate, getting Alex to cry out in pleasure.

"That's it," Darwin muttered, aiming there with each thrust, sucking and nipping against Alex's collarbone, some part of him needing to leave a mark. He felt Alex scream at the press of his teeth, Alex's cock twitching between them as a pool of come formed as Alex came, clenching around him, groaning and panting and it was all too much. Darwin pressed in deeper, gripping him as his own climax flooded through them, feeling Alex whine beneath him.

The world around him whited out with bliss, and carefully he laid Alex down, lying over on top of him, feeling Alex laugh as he stroked over his back, holding him close. Alex's knees bracketed his hips, keeping him there as he kissed at Alex's throat, lying against him, holding him close, breathing together and holding onto him, feeling Alex shaking a little, He held onto him for a moment longer, wanting Alex to know he wasn't going to abandon him. He kissed his throat one more time before he reluctantly pulled away, seeing Alex's face screwing up as he pulled out. Alex spread out on the bed, smiling up at him, and he stole another kiss, letting Alex relax in a daze as he went to find a clean towel. He cleaned them both up, gentle as he could be with Alex, wanting to show him how fucking precious he was, how he deserved all the tenderness in the world.

"Can you get up so we can put a new blanket down?" Darwin asked over his shoulder, wanting to make sure Alex was as comfortable as he could possibly be as he went to grab another blanket from his wardrobe.

"I mean I guess, if I really have to...." Alex muttered grumpily, groaning slightly as he moved.

"How're you feeling?" Darwin asked, staying by the wardrobe. He'd left a clear path to the door, just in case Alex wanted to get out, fast. He hoped it wouldn't come to that, but he needed him to have that option.

"Real good," Alex said, and as he did so Darwin felt himself relax. Alex stripped the blanket off the bed, shoving it into the basket, and Darwin approached. Alex turned to face him, his eyes lighting up when he saw Darwin was there. "Oh, hey."

"Hi, baby," Darwin greeted him, leaning in with a smile, cupping Alex's warm face in his hands, pulling him into a kiss and feeling Alex kiss him back just as eager, just as happy as he was.

"Hey, think I can move in here?" Alex asked, and Darwin pulled back slightly, looking into his eyes, seeing hope in Alex's face which he was sure was matched in his own. He felt so in love, so utterly lost in how much he cared for Alex at that moment.

"I would love for you to move in here, baby," Darwin told him honestly, leaning in for another kiss, mind full of the idea of getting to wake up every single day with his boy tucked up against him, holding him close.

"Good." Alex grinned, before shoving him gently. "Now get the fuck back to bed. You fucked all my energy right outta me."

It was easy to grin and salute, to turn around towards the bed but before he did Alex slapped his ass, following close behind him, gripping his hips, pulling him close. Alex wanted to be in his space, and that just... it felt right. It felt like Alex was exactly where he belonged, and he loved him, loved this, how right and how good it felt. 

He climbed into bed, pulling him close, and Alex kissed him easily. It felt natural to kiss him back, to trail kisses over his jaw, to whisper "thank you, baby," to pull him close.

"Kiss me," Alex whispered, and Darwin obliged, leaning in, kissing him back just as determinedly, showing Alex how much he loved him. "Thank you, Dar."

"I love you..." Darwin murmured, tucking the sheet around him, full of love. "But you better nap quick, before Erik comes and wakes us up. Or worse, Sean." He faked a shudder, pulling Alex close, letting him get cosy, Alex's head against his chest, cuddled into him. It just felt right, like he was exactly where he belonged, and it was right, they fitted together perfectly. He pressed a gentle kiss to Alex's forehead, and let his lover sleep, knowing he loved him, that he would be happy to spend the rest of his life curled up beside him like this, making him feel good, holding him just as close as he deserved.


End file.
